Arhivă pentru Noiembrie, 2012

Facebook achizitioneaza Opera?

Posted: Noiembrie 19, 2012 in Stiri
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Circulă nişte zvonuri care spun că Facebook vrea să achiziţioneze Opera Browser.

Conform unor „surse de încredere”, Facebook urmează să cumpere Opera pentru a creea propriul browser, care ar urma să vină integrat cu meniuri şi plug inuri, ce vor îmbogăţii experienta utilizării Facebook.

Aparent, scopul final este cel de a promova reţeaua Facebook de la statutul de simplu website pe care îl vizităm, la cel de experienţă web, în care funcţiile reţelei de socializare sunt accesibile permanent, indiferent de website-ul pe care îl răsfoim.

Opera este destul de popular, după ultimele date oficiale, peste 200 de milioane de utilizatori folosesc Opera.

Încet, Încet, Facebook, se transforma în Google, îşi fac browser, lansează telefon şi  într-un final vor lansa un sistem de operare pentru telefoanele mobile. Aaaa şi ar mai lipsi un motor de căutare.

Twitter

Posted: Noiembrie 19, 2012 in Stiri
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Twitter aşteaptă ca în 2014 să câştige din reclama peste un miliard de dolari. Aşteptările lor vin de la faptul că unii analişti au spus că blogurile vor creşte de 2 ori mai repede decât se aşteptau.

Anul trecut Twitter a avut un câştig de 139.5 milioane de dolari, iar anul acesta se aşteaptă câştiguri de 540 milioane de dolari.

În România, Twitter e încă destul de slab, nu am date despre câţi useri sunt acum, şi nici câte companii încearcă să se promoveze pe această platformă, un lucru e sigur aici: suntem mici.

Aşteptăm ca Twitter să crească şi în România, iar platforma să ajungă mai cunoscută.

Facebook

Posted: Noiembrie 19, 2012 in Inceputul(Must SEE!!!), Stiri
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Facebook lanseaza magazinul de aplicatii

Dacă nu ştiaţi, Facebook, şi-a deschis magazin online de aplicaţii. Aplicaţiile oferite sunt construite în aşa fel, încât, să îţi ofere o experienţă mai bună pe Facebook, atunci când dai like şi te joci toate mizeriile alea care ne stresează pe noi, nu? Deocamdată, magazinul este disponibil doar pentru Americani, însă, în perioada următoare, se va lansa pe tot mapamondul. Aplicaţiile le puteţi instala atât pe telefon, cât şi în browser, iar magazinul dispune deja, de cele mai folosite aplicaţii: Instagram, Angry Birds.. etc.

De ce a simţit, Facebook, nevoia de a deschide un magazin cu aplicaţii? E destul de simplu, vă tot spuneam că Google o să aibă un nou rival, acela va fi Facebook. Într-un viitor destul de apropiat, o să vedeţi aşa numitul Facebook Phone, şi tot în acest viitor, destul de apropiat, Facebook, o să lanseze şi un sistem de operare pentru telefoanele mobile. Aceasta este doar părerea mea, pe care o împart cu voi. De asta Facebook îşi deschide magazin, şi tot din această cauză vor mai face câteva mişcări imprevizibile.

Aaaa, sau ar mai fi a doua variantă… Disperarea! Să nu uităm, Facebook, este o companie care îşi câştigă banii din reclame, iar cum reclamele merg prost în ultima perioadă pe site-ul lor, un magazin cu aplicaţii este bine venit, mai ales că în aplicaţiile gratuite, reclamele curg din abundenţă.

Să fie prima? Să fie a doua variantă? Sau amândouă?

Samsung

Posted: Noiembrie 19, 2012 in Stiri
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Samsung lanseaza 3 Desktopuri All-in-One cu Windows 8.

Samsung intră tare pe piaţa desktopurilor all-in-one cu 3 configuraţii create special pentru a rula cu Windows 8.

Preţurile încep de la 749$ pentru seria 5 cu display de 21.5 inch, 1.099$ va costa seria 7 cu display de 23.6 inch, iar preţul maxim este de 1.699$ pentru seria 7 cu un ecran de 27 inch, care va avea inclus un hard disk de 1 Tb şi unitate optică.

Modelul de top de 23 inch va fi dotat cu un procesor intel i7 şi 8Gb RAM, fratele mai mic va beneficia de un procesor i5 şi doar 6Gb RAM, iar mezinul familiei va rula cu un procesor i3, 5Gb RAM şi un HDD de 500Gb.

Toate cele 3 computere pot suporta o rezoluţie până la 1920 x 1080 pixeli, cu touchscreen capacitiv pentru o navigare uşoară cu ajutorul interfeţei Windows 8, dar cu ajutorul camerei web integrate, samsung adăugă folosirea gesturilor pentru anumite funcţii cum ar fi volumul sau răsfoirea păgânilor.

Ca şi accesorii, pentru simplitate, Samsung adăugă doar o tastatură fără pad numeric şi un mouse, ambele wireless.

Se aşteaptă ca săptămâna viitoare compania coreeană să dezvăluie şi un laptop cu Windows 8.

Samsung 7 Series

Samsung 5 Series

Are You Losing Influence Online? Here’s How to Turn

Things Around

brand losing

One of the things that I truly love about blogging and social media in general is your ability to create great content, build an audience and become an authority.

And there is a certain pride that comes along with all that hard work…and the recognition that follows when your ship finally comes in.

Now I don’t desire to become an authority so I can lord it over a bunch of people…I like being an authority because I like to teach people how to succeed at things like SEO, web analytics and entrepreneurship.

That’s truly what makes influence so attractive.

But even after all that hard work, you can still lose influence. Things happen in the business world that negatively impacts it.

For instance, you get so busy you can’t maintain your blog, someone takes a shot at you and writes a flaming post or everyone is running to some rising star.

And we’ve all felt it…those times when you are not as popular as you once were…when you are not the “go-to” guy or girl anymore.

You naturally want to change that because losing influence equals losing clients, jobs and money. So what do you do when that happens?

Let me show you:

How do you know you are losing influence online?

The first thing you need to determine is if and how you are losing influence. Just because you feel like you are losing influence doesn’t mean you actually are.

So, there are two ways of measuring influence online…the short term and the long term. Let’s look at the short-term first.

Here are some common ways to measure short-term influence:

  • Klout – People either love Klout or hate it. Those who hate it see it as a meaningless way to measure online influence…one that is based on algorithms that can be gamed and don’t reflect real-world influence. Alex Braunstein poured significant time and energy intoproving the Klout influence metric is flawed. Rohn Jay Miller encourages you to Delete Your Klout Profile Now! But if you decide to use Klout to determine how to gain influence online then I suggest you read Ben Straley’s Losing Klout: Four Questions About Third-Party Influence. His four questions will help you pinpoint the correct influencers you need to engage if you want to raise your influence online. Even if you hate Klout, it may be hard to ignore. Retailers are starting to use it as a means to reward customers with high Klout scores. The Palms Casino resort in Las Vegas checked the Klout scores of guests at check in, giving upgrades to those with high scores. It now has the highest Klout score among its peers. So, are you losing Klout?
  • Social signals – How many followers do you have on the major social sites? How many new followers are you getting every week? How many retweets or likes is your content getting? Then ask this question about people in the same industry…people who you might consider competitors. Compare yourself in each category to gauge whether you are losing or gaining influence. Here are some tools to use:
    • PeerIndex, which is a lot like Klout, gives you an overall score based upon three subsets: Authority, Audience and Activity.
    • Twitalyzer looks specifically at Twitter and scores you on Engagement, Impact, Reach, Velocity and a few other metrics.
    • Crowdbooster also uses Twitter to gauge your online influence by measuring the growth of your followers and who your top retweeters are. And the scatter plot graph is really cool too, it lets you see your most engaging tweets.

Even though it may seem obvious, I should probably point out why I consider the above short term…they can change dramatically in a short period of time. As Seth Godin put it, they twitch.

Besides, as a marketing professional you should be looking at the performance of your social media activities on a daily basis. The following long-term metrics, however, you may need only to look at on a weekly basis:

  • Search rankings – If you are an SEO, then you will naturally think about search rankings as a way to measure your online influence. Back in the old days sheer position was a matter of creating quality content. These days, though, search position is affected by social signals, and can be a real-time means to measure your influence online. The more quality posts you can write that get a decent share on the social web…the more influence you have in search. But keep in mind that changes to search position…unless impacted by a recent algorithm update…don’t change dramatically from day to day. It can be weeks or months before you see real change in these positions.
  • Blog engagement – Another indicator that you are losing influence deals with your blog engagement. This is where you look at basic metrics like hits, page views, referrer sources, etc. Are they declining? What about comments? Are you getting less? Are you getting less links back to your blog posts? Even take in consideration the number of emails you get in your inbox. Fewer emails could mean that people are no longer looking to you for advice.
  • Google Trends – Finally, you could use Google Trends to get a grip on your online influence. In my experience, this is a metric that’s tough to use for individual influence…unless you are a celebrity. Still, it’s helpful to search for long-tail keywords geared around your industry. For example, as an SEO you could search “Penguin recovery tips” to see how you are trending for that keyword.

It’s probably helpful at this point to suggest that you could plug-and-play a handful of different social and search metric tools. Use your favorites.

And once you’ve collected all this data into a spreadsheet…your next step is to consider why you are losing influence.

In some ways it could be that you’re not blogging as frequently because you are doing more speaking engagements. If that was the case, then you could probably just pick back up the pace with the blogging, but is it worth it in terms of what you are gaining from your speaking gigs?

These are all costs you have to weigh.  So let’s look at some tactics to getting back your influence.

Write, write and write some more

You can directly influence your online influence by the sheer amount of writing you do. If you write only two days a week, jump that up to five days a week and your influence will go up. Guest blog and your influence will again continue to increase. This increase in writing will also help you cast a wider net for the search engines, of which there are 3 billion on Google everyday:

google 3 billion

This will ultimately lead to more visitors and subscribers and influence.

Build a list

If you don’t have one already, then the real magic of generating influence will come from that email subscriber list. See, the more you blog the more traffic you will get

hubspot total traffic

But that traffic is worthless if you don’t do anything with it. So if you want a way to communicate with your audience…then start building an email newsletter list. This gives those who sign up an exclusive relationship with you. And your conversion rates will be much higher when you market to the email list.

Interact with your readers

One of the most basic ways to build and keep influence is to engage with your readers. Respond to every comment, engage them with posts that ask them for their opinions and pick their brains for insights using tools like Qualaroo:

qualaroo

Also, reward your readers with contests and giveaways that demonstrate how much you appreciate them. And you can really build influence when you create content that they love and want. That is the way to build that engaging community of people who become advocates for you as they share your content on the social web.

Use a variety of media

As the web grows and supports more and more types of media you will have to learn some new skills in order to offer what people want. These days text is not enough to influence people…you now need to know how to use video, audio and photos.

But when should you use which media? Here’s a little guide:

  • Text – Keywords still dominate the world of search, so you will still need to provide a substantial amount of copy.
  • Video – Some people make video the center of their influence platform (Khan Academy has become famous though his use of video) while most everyone else uses it to complement their other work (SEOmoz does this with their Whiteboard Fridays). Either approach adds to the power of your influence. And by the way, you have to create a transcript of your videos for search engines and the readers who like to skim text. There are great services out there that can make that happen quickly.
  • Audio – Audio works great for those people who are natural born speakers. They are very comfortable speaking…can do it on the fly…and thus naturally create some of the best podcasts out there. Check out the Manager Tools podcast to see what I mean. But if you are not that comfortable speaking, you still may want to consider using audio to enhance your content. For example, you could create a monthly podcast where you interview an industry leader or drill down on a certain subject.

Be original

You will only gain an audience as long as you provide original content. But since there is so much competition online it truly is harder than ever to be original.

There is so much great content being produced. How do you compete?

One way is to ride the wave of a trending topic. If you are the first to share content on hot news…then you’ll gain some attention, followers and traction.

You can use Google Trends to follow what’s hot:

google trends

Based upon those results you could write an article titled “What the Zombie Apocalypse Can Teach You about Personal Persuasion.” In fact, you could write an article using all of those topics.

Then you could take it a step further and use Google Insights:

google insights

Search by category and you’ll get a very targeted set of searches.

Don’t forget that you can’t just create cute content from trending topics that aren’t useful and full of detailed research. You’ll probably lose your core audience…so in order to build your influence and keep it…you have to provide content that your audience cares about. Only then will they listen to what you say.

You also need to follow as many blogs as possible. This will help you to stay current and generate new, fresh ideas.

Remain insanely focused

Those who constantly seem to be at the top of the searches and are always being quoted in this publication or that blog have a little secret…they discipline themselves to focus on one thing and one thing only.

They understand the big picture…and everything they do should serve to go after that big picture. That means that highly-influential people are delegators…and use the best tools to accomplish their tasks in less time.

Here are four I highly recommend to help you stay insanely focused:

  • Batchbook – Influential people have a huge contact list. But as it gets bigger it also gets harder and harder to manage…so you need a system. This free, cloud-based tool will help even with your social media contacts.
  • MailChimp – Naturally you’ll need a system to stay in touch with all of those contacts. Repeated messages via email grow your influence among your readers. MailChimp can automate that process for you on just about any budget.
  • DropBox – A no-brainer for someone who needs to store, share and access all kinds of media from their laptop or phone. Insanely focused influential people love convenience!
  • Rescue Time – Like I said, influential people are focused…and keeping track of what you do, where you are wasting time and how long it takes you to do it helps them to keep their razor sharp focus. This tool is a must have!

Stay relentless

This one is the other side of the coin of remaining insanely focused. People who have influence and lose it and build it up again and keep it…never, ever stop!

Sure they will vacation and might even shut off their phones and laptop at the end of the business day…but when they are on…they are on.

Besides, it’s really tough to keep them away from their work.

This is also why influential people are naturally successful people. They hang in there through the ups and downs because they know thatsuccess takes a long time.

keep it up

You also won’t find them straying from their cornerstone content or their schedule. In my own career being relentless is easily one of the top secrets to my success. Are you relentless?

Find a common enemy

Another tactic you can use to build influence is to employ the tactic used by copywriters called “the common enemy.” See, people love it when someone stands up against perceived opponents…and they love to get behind and support them.

The idea behind this concept is to zero in on a bad guy in your industry. Financial newsletters want you to think that bad guy is the government…politicians pick on the other party…and Aaron Walls picks on Google.

He’s not alone, however. There are a lot of people who think that Google is dangerous:

google enemy

You do need to understand one thing, however. You shouldn’t build your entire platform on finding a common enemy…rather this should be something you refer to on occasion.

In addition, try to avoid attacking particular people…instead focus on companies or institutions. It’s a lot easier to defend.

Twist social media to your benefit

A long time ago blogging was the only thing in town…so you could influence people by simply going around to everyone’s blog and leaving comments like Pete Cashmore of Mashable who left a hundred or more comments on other blogs every day.

But with Twitter, Google+ and Facebook…and rising stars like Pinterest and Tumblr…at your fingertips, social media is really going to be your most powerful tool to getting and keeping influence than leaving comments.

Don’t neglect your commenting strategy. Just adjust it.

Your first step, however, is creating the great content that people can share…then you share other people’s content…and follow and engage the influencers.

It’s a pretty simple formula for spreading your brand across the web and building influence…and it works.

Target your audience

One mistake you want to avoid when building an audience is going for the biggest. It is a lot harder to influence a large audience than it is to influence a smaller audience. Not saying it can’t be done, but it just takes a very long time.

You’re better off focusing on a niche audience.

niche audience

The problem with trying to go after the biggest audience is that it sacrifices quality for quantity. And in the end that always drives down your conversion rates.

The bottom line is you need to know your audience really well…and then you need to give them what they want.

Be very personal

One of Robert Cialdini principles of influence is being likable. You have to be approachable, honest and authentic. That means you just don’t have to churn out business-like content all the time…you can share personal life experiences that show people you put your pants on in the morning just like everyone else.

I think Chris Brogan does this so well and is certainly a part of his appeal. Just take a look at his “Best Of” page and you’ll see a lot of content from his personal life:

chris brogan

No doubt it feels like he is writing to you…because that is exactly what he is doing! He’s conversational and passionate about what he does…itpours out through everything he creates. Imitate Chris and people will like you…and once you have them liking you…you can influence you.

Stick to your brand

If you jump around with your brand…from your message to your colors to your design…you will confuse people. And confusing people doesn’t inspire a lot of trust in you.

I understand that early in the game you may be tinkering with your message and who you are…but at some point you need to decide and then communicate that brand consistently across all mediums.

I love how Johnny B Truant does this. From his name to his image to his tweets and to his blog posts he communicates his brand.

johnny b

It’s original, and he’s very consistent with it.

What to do with negative publicity in 4 steps

Finally, let’s deal with bad publicity because no matter how nice of a person you are, you’ll eventually get the flaming blog post, reddit blast or ugly viral tweet…all for the world to see.

What should you do to keep this negative publicity from hurting you? Here’s how I recommend you handle the situation.

  1. Act fast – Naturally you should be monitoring the social and web world for both positive and negative comments. Responding quickly will help reinforce the positive press and smother the negative press. Don’t let bad press blind slide you. You should not be the last to know. You should be one of the first…and you should respond promptly.
  2. Don’t absorb the insult – If you’ve done a good job of keeping up your profile and extending your influence, then remember this when a negative comment comes your way: there are a ton of people who really like you. Plus, negative comments usually are generated by people who woke up on the wrong side of the bed…or can be calmed down with a level-headed reply.
  3. Never delete the comment – Instead, respond directly to the comment. It’s more than likely many people have already seen the negative comment. Deleting it will only make you look like a sore loser. Responding quickly will show the people who are watching that you have nothing to hide.
  4. Sort out the situation in private – Respond with an “I am grateful for any feedback; no matter how brutal is it. Your opinion is valuable and I’d love to talk to you in private to take care of the situation.” Never turn a customer service situation like that into a public spectacle. Send them a direct message and then try to win them over.

Responding to negative publicity quickly and kindly is one of the best ways to minimize any kind of damage you might suffer. Ignoring it will only hurt you.

Conclusion

Okay, so it probably seems like there is a lot you have to do to rebound during a round of losing influence. Don’t let that discourage you. It happens to everyone…even me! And we all have to do the same thing…we have to get back on our feet and start climbing again.

Many times I’ve fell off the radar so to speak because commitments and new businesses have sucked me away. It’s easy to let that frustrate you, especially if you can’t get back to work on building your influence again…but I always remind myself that there will be a time…I just need to be patient. And if I can do it, so can you!

What tactics would you recommend to someone who is losing influence online?

Rezumatul meciului Twente – Steaua Bucuresti

min 5 : Incepe meciul, echipa bucuresteana inca nu a iesit de la vestiare
min 6: Goooool Twente, 1-0
min 7: Goooool Twente, 2-0
min10: Steaua intra pe teren, la scorul de 2-0 pentru Twente
min30: Penalty pentru Steaua, portarul olandezilor paraseste terenul, poarta ramane goala
min31: Rusescu executa penalty, poarta este goala, sut…..bara!!!! nu se poate asa ceva, cat ghinion
min42:Gooooool Twente, gol de la centrul terenului, Tatarusanu ocupat sa ii trimita iubitei poze cu atmosfera de pe stadion, asadar 3-0.
min45+: Pauza


Se reia meciul – Repriza a II-a,


min50: schimabare – iese Tatarausanu pt probleme cu stomacul intra Duckadam
min56: Ilie Stan intra si il loveste cu pumnul pe Ola John, spunandu-i Ola John, I’am Iliesta
min65:Penalty pentru Twente, Duckadam trebuie sa apere, Duckadam va apara
min66: Suut gooooool, 4-0, Duckadam n-a prins-o pentru ca se gandea de 2 minute unde sa se arunce
min70: Ratare monumentala a lui Tanase, deja se lucreaza la monument in spatele porti goale 
min80: Gigi scoate echipa de pe teren, le da bani de discoteca si intra el cu Lutu
min81: Lutu dribleaza tot, ajunge in careu, reuseste sa dribleze punctul de la 11 metri, ajunge in fata porti dar se opune bara
min88: Gigi suna pe Craciunescu sa il intrebe daca a fost offside la faza lui Lutu
min90: suporterii olandezi intra pe teren, Gigi sare in spatele lui Lutu, si cei doi fug
min94: Final meci – Steaua pierde calificarea la un scor mic 4-0, bravo baieti v-ati aratat valoarea

Giovani Becali : ” Sunt mafiot pentru ca scuip”

Zilele acestea am reusit sa ii luam domnului Giovani Becali, cel mai smecher om din Univers de la” Big Bang ” pana in zilele numarate ale lui Base la Cotroceni, un interviu, in care Giovani ne-a povestit, fara sa ne scuipe, de ce el este mafiot. Discursul lui il aveti redat in cele ce urmeaza :

” Eu sunt mafiot prin modul meu de a scuipa, parchez Dacia mea de la tata iau 1 milion spaga de la boschetarul parcarilor, ma duc la ospatar ii zic ca am venit sa mananc gratis ca eu sunt Giovani, nu vorbesc cu oricine ca ma fac de ras, scuip pe toata lumea, injur de mama, de tata, de unchi, pai eu sunt Giovani Becali, Smecheru, Incultu’, Badaranu’, Nesimtitu’ intelegi? cum sa nu scuip pe oricine? cum sa n-am prestanta mea? cand cobor din metrou sau din autobuzul 14? M-a chemat Horia Varlan la el in emisiune sa gatesc, m-a chemat Brancu sa ma ia la misto si sa spun bancuri, i-am zis bai Cristi eu sunt Giovani Becali, eu nu stiu bancuri, eu nu am haz, cheama-i pe aia mai destepti ca mine, mie nu imi plac femeile, eu sunt convins ca sunt scund si urat si hai ca m-ati tinut mult cu interviul ptiuuu, ptiuuu, ptiuuuu ireati-ai dracu de jurnalisti, bagabontilor, mirositi in ultimul hal” …….


V-am pacalit la inceput cand v-am zis ca nu ne-a scuipat, e greu sa scapi nescuipat stand in fata unui asemea om, e greu cu Becali…..

Giovanni Becali catre judecator : ” Aduceti catuse ca daca nu, va scuip !”

Ioan Becali, zis Giovani (adica Ion in italiana ) s-a dat din nou in spectacol, fara sa taie vreun bilet, de data asta la Tribunal, in dosarul „Transferuri care te fac mai bogat”

Spectacolul a inceput din momentul in care Becali a intrat in sala de proces si a durat 1 ora, timp in care acesta si-a arata talentul actoricesc, mimand tipete si injuraturi. Ba mai mult replica de la finalul audierii va ramane memorabila pentru Cartianu si Emanuel Terzian : ” Aduceti catusele ca daca nu va scuip, asa cum am facut cu Terzian, ..irateai dracu de dobitoci”
Bravo nene Ioane, inca o dovada ca vrei sa scapi batic curat, ca sa nu zic basma ca nu suna frumos.

Biletul anului la pariuri

Posted: Noiembrie 18, 2012 in Biletul anului la pariuri
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Un roman a dat lovitura la pariuri castigand 1.000.000 de lei noi, cu numai 1 leu. Acesta a jucat doar 3 pronosticuri, toate insa cu,cote foarte mari.
Iata mai jos biletul care l-a imbogatit pe norocosul roman :

1. Real – Madrid – Levante pronostic : arbitrul ia bataie in repriza a 2-a pana intra in coma cota 100
2. Valencia – Sevilla pronostic : cad barele in minutul 90 cota 100
3. Bayern Munchen – Werder Bremen pronostic : va ninge in repriza a 2a cota 100

A fost ales noul cabinet condus de Victor Ponta, care are ca tinta:

– scoaterea Romaniei din Uniunea Europeana
– neaderarea la spatiul Schengen
– imprumuturi cu dobanzi mai mari de la F.M.I si
– cresterea evaziunii fiscale in Romania cu pana la 20 de procente.
Noul cabinet format este urmatorul:

1.Ministrul Administratiei si Internelor – Gigi Becali
2.Ministrul Finantelor Publice – Stelian Ogica
3.Minsitrul Economiei – Catalin Botezatu
4.Ministrul de Externe – Alex Velea
5. Ministrul Mediului – Oana Roman
6.Ministrul Dezvoltarii Regionale – Nicoleta Luciu
7.Ministrul Apararii – Catalin Zmarandescu
8.Ministrul Justitiei – Nutu Camataru
9.Ministrul Comunicatiilor – Oana Zavoaranu
10.Ministrul Muncii – Sanziana Buruiana
11.Ministrul Educatiei – Marian Vanghelie
12.Ministrul Agriculturii – Adrian Porumboiu
13. Ministrul Transporturilor – Bercea Mondial

Telefonul Celular

Posted: Noiembrie 18, 2012 in Telefonul celular ...
Etichete:, , , , ,

Este foarte la moda in ziua de azi. Te afli in tren, intr-un local, in mijlocul unei discutii, pe strada sau pur si simplu incerci sa ai putina liniste, te deranjeaza un tarait foarte enervant care vine de la un aparat foarte mic. Este CELULARUL!!! Hai sa punem putina benzina in foc cu urmatoarele reguli pentru folosirea corecta a celularului (pe multe dintre ele le-ai fi putut scrie chiar tu):

* Daca nu ai inca un celular, poti castiga in importanta cumparandu-ti unul. Numarul succeselor in viata ta va creste fara indoiala.

* Daca te asezi la o masa intr-un loc public, nu uita celularul in geanta sau in buzunar! Pune-l intotdeauna pe masa la vedere! Asa poti sa-ti castigi mai mult respect.

* Vorbeste la celular intotdeauna clar tare si raspicat! Cei dimprejur au si ei dreptul sa auda ceea ce se discuta.

* Daca modelul celularului iti permite, alege pentru soneria acestuia un ton care suna cat mai colorat. Astfel te poti face mai bine mai repede remarcat.

* Daca auzi un tarait in apropiere nu te lasa intimidat de faptul ca ar puteaa sa fie celularul altuia! Pune mana imediat pe celularul tau sa vezi daca tu esti persoana sunata! Arata astfel ca si tu ai celular.

* Daca celularul suna in timp ce esti singur poti linistit sa-l ignori. Ar fi pierdere de timp sa raspunzi. Atata timp cat nu te vede nimeni nu poti arata cat esti de important.

* Ia masuri sa folosesti intotdeauna incaperi adecvate pentru ca partenerul de discutii sa aibe o auditie foarte buna! De exemplu: muzee, biserici, biblioteci, sali de asteptare, sali de spital…

* Daca din intamplare te afli in avion nu baga de seama stewardesele care iti recomanda sa nu folosesti celularul! Aceste femei sunt doar invidioase pentru ca nu isi pot permite si ele un celular.

* O alta superstitie: telefonatul in timp ce conduci automobilul aduce nenoroc. Nu e adevarat! Iti poti antrena astfel distributia atentiei si miscarilor asupra mai multor lucruri. Un pic de indemanare nu poate dauna nimanui.

* Poarta celularul de preferinta la cingatoare! Husa e de preferat sa aibe culori vii care sar in ochi. Cel mai bine neon.

* Daca te deplasezi si ai intr-o mana o geanta diplomat poti contabalansa greutatea acesteia purtand celularul, ca o bratara, la incheietura mainii celelalte.

* Inainte de a raspunde la telefoane spune cu voce tare: “La dracu! nici aici nu pot sa am liniste!” sau pentru putina schimbare:”Incapabilii! Nu sunt in stare sa ia nici o hotarare fara MINE.”

* Nu te lasa intimidat de faptul ca cei din jur afla multe lucruri despre viata ta intima in timp ce vorbesti la celular. Asta e la moda. Un bun exemplu in acest sens sunt cifrele mari de telespectatori la talkshow-uri.

* Daca ai o intalnire importanta (de afaceri, sau chiar cu o femeie) vorbeste cu cineva sa te sune in acest timp la celular sau programeaza aparatul sa sune la ora respectiva. Intalnirea va avea astfel succesul scontat.

* Cand esti singur poti sa iti deactivezi celularul. Telefoanele care le-ai primit in acest timp poti sa le asculti in timp ce te aflii in societate.

Ce are 2 ochi si 150 de dinti ?
Un crocodil.
Dar ce are 2 dinti si 150 de ochi ?
Un autobuz cu pensionari !

Cand cere un barbat mana unei femei ?
Cand s-a saturat de a lui.

Unde au femeile parul negru si cret ?
In Africa !

Care e asemanarea dintre caine si inginer ?
Amandoi au priviri inteligente, dar nici unul nu stie sa se exprime.

Care e deosebirea dintre o gaina si …?
Gaina face oua, pe cand …

De ce are rinoceru’ corn ?
Ca n-a gasit chifle !

Care-i diferenta intre WC si frigider ?
Nu stii ? Imi dau seama ce-i la tine acasa !

Ce este salariul ?
O atentie din partea statului !

Cine-i mic negru si sare ?
Puricele !
Da’ cine-i mare, negru si sare ?
Dr. Alban !!

Ce e negru si se loveste de toti copacii ?
Stevie Wonder la cursul de orientare turistica !

Ghici, ghicitoare:
– Ziua latra, noaptea-noata ?
– Proteza soacra-mi.

De ce se masturbeaza surdo-mutii cu o singura mana ?
Cu cealalta gem de placere.

Un punct negru care urca pe alb:
Un paianjen ascendent pe perete…

Un punct alb care coboara pe alb:
Un painanjen ascendent care coboara pe perete…

Un punct negru cu doua dungi albe:
Un purice cu bretele albe…

Un punct alb cu doua dungi negre:
Un pui de purice cu bretele negre…

Care e diferenta dintre un diplomat si o fata ?
Cand un diplomat spune DA inseamna POATE, cand spune POATE inseamna NU si cand spune NU nu mai e diplomat.
Cand o fata spune NU inseamna POATE, cand spune POATE inseamna DA si cand spune DA nu mai e fata …

Care e diferenta dintre o gaina de 1 an si o fata de 18 ani ?
17.

Care e diferenta dintre un sinucigas si o fata mare ?
Sinucigasul incearca sa moara, iar fata mare moare sa incerce…

De ce sunt delfinii cele mai destepte animale ?
Le trebuie numai doua luni de captivitate ca sa-i invete pe oameni sa vina la capatul bazinului si sa le dea peste…

Ce-i trece prin cap unei muste cand se izbeste de parbrizul unei masini ?
Fundul !

Ce e negru si alb si portocaliu peste tot ?
Un scongs mancand placinta de dovleac !

Care e diferenta dintre o pisica si un tren ?
Trenul trece prin tunel, da’ cu pisica nu poti bate cuie.

Ce e lunga, lunga, lunga si femeile vor neaparat s-o vada ?
O telenovela Sud-Americana…

De ce are ciocanitoarea cioc ?
Ca sa nu se bata cu capul de copaci.

De ce viseaza oamenii ?
Ca sa nu se plictiseasca in timpul somnului…

De ce nu se duc toti managerii in concediu in acelasi timp ?
Ca sa nu se vada ca merge compania si fara ei.

De ce n-au voie salariatii de la guvern sa se uite pe fereastra dimineata ?
Ca n-or sa aibe ce sa mai faca dupa amiaza.

Cand spune un eschimos “Buna ziua ?”
Dupa ce invata romaneste.

Ce scrie pe o fundul unei sticle poloneze ?
A se deschide la celalalt capat.
Ce scrie pe capacul unei sticle poloneze ?
Instructiuni la celalalt capat.

Cum face un canibal cura de slabire ?
Mananca pitici.

Cum strigi un caine fara picioare ?
Poti sa-l strigi cum vrei ca tot nu poate veni la tine !

De ce e rosia rosie ?
Ca sa nu faca zgomot.

Un caine dadea tarcoale unui pom. La un moment se opreste. De ce ?
Nu mai avea tarcoale.

Toti barbatii sunt nebuni ?
Nu, unii ramin burlaci.

Ce este un sot ?
Un amanat care si-a fortat prea mult norocul.

Ce inseamna, pentru un canibal, o femeie gravida ?
Kinder cu surprize.

Ce e verde cu rosu si se misca cu 50 mile pe ora ?
O broasca intr-un mixer.

Cum fac dragoste ochelaristii ?
Isi dau ochelarii jos si se fut ca chiorii.

Ce e mare, verde, are 100 de picioare si canta ?
Famfara militara.

Care-i diferenta intre o gaina si o gaina ?
Ca are picioarele mai paralele, mai ales ala stang.

Un om urca scarile, intra in restaurant, mananca bine, apoi iese din restaurant, coboara scarile si moare. De ce ?
Era vagon restaurant.

Ce inseamna un barbat norocos ?
Acela care poate castiga mai mult decat poate sotia lui sa cheltuiasca!
Dar o femeie norocoasa ?
Aceea care s-a maritat cu acest barbat.